I made a terrible
terrible mistake last evening. I attempted to summon Sassariel, and I
failed. Instead, my mother, Selun'athiel came to me. She was not pleased
with me. Actually, that is an understatement. She thought little of me,
and believed me to be a complete and utter failure. And perhaps to some
degree I am. I could not even resist her as she took hold of me, and
used me to her ends.
My mother was very powerful and extremely dangerous. I had forgotten after all these years just HOW dangerous she could be. If not for the Light in the Sunwell, I fear that everything I know and love would have been destroyed. Selun'athiel was a vile Quel'dorei. She thought nothing of lives or peace and harmony. She wanted power, and power is what she had and used. People were things to her. They were simply implements to be used and then cast aside when they no longer pleased her or could serve her purpose.
Only undeath prevented her from reaching the Sunwell again. Jazari, my sister...half of the city would have been slain by her. A magistrix of her power has not lived in quite some time, and I doubt that many could have opposed her. I am so fortunate that my mistake did not cost anyone their lives. I feel terrible that such a risk even came to pass. I must take more care when practicing magic going forward. As it is, I fear that my own spells have been horribly tainted by Selun'athiel's presence. I am cold all of the time, and all of my spells seem to have the chill of the grave associated with them now. I fear that I have handled scourge magic too many times, and done permanent damage to myself.
After all is said and done though, I am secretly happy about something. I have learned finally that I am NOT my mother. I am NOT what she was, and I can never be. She has no drop of decency in her. She had no compassion, no mercy, no love other than for my father and magic. If I were like her, half of those I know would be dead now. Hauk Fenshire, Kyliska, Jazari, Aeranor...all of these people would probably have perished. I am NOT Selun'athiel. I remained innocent, despite her teachings.
In the end, I am proud that her spirit was disappointed in me. The day that such a creature is proud of me is the day when it is time to evaluate who I am and take a step away from that path. I am proud that I have failed my mother, because earning her praise is something that I could not bear to live with.
My mother was very powerful and extremely dangerous. I had forgotten after all these years just HOW dangerous she could be. If not for the Light in the Sunwell, I fear that everything I know and love would have been destroyed. Selun'athiel was a vile Quel'dorei. She thought nothing of lives or peace and harmony. She wanted power, and power is what she had and used. People were things to her. They were simply implements to be used and then cast aside when they no longer pleased her or could serve her purpose.
Only undeath prevented her from reaching the Sunwell again. Jazari, my sister...half of the city would have been slain by her. A magistrix of her power has not lived in quite some time, and I doubt that many could have opposed her. I am so fortunate that my mistake did not cost anyone their lives. I feel terrible that such a risk even came to pass. I must take more care when practicing magic going forward. As it is, I fear that my own spells have been horribly tainted by Selun'athiel's presence. I am cold all of the time, and all of my spells seem to have the chill of the grave associated with them now. I fear that I have handled scourge magic too many times, and done permanent damage to myself.
After all is said and done though, I am secretly happy about something. I have learned finally that I am NOT my mother. I am NOT what she was, and I can never be. She has no drop of decency in her. She had no compassion, no mercy, no love other than for my father and magic. If I were like her, half of those I know would be dead now. Hauk Fenshire, Kyliska, Jazari, Aeranor...all of these people would probably have perished. I am NOT Selun'athiel. I remained innocent, despite her teachings.
In the end, I am proud that her spirit was disappointed in me. The day that such a creature is proud of me is the day when it is time to evaluate who I am and take a step away from that path. I am proud that I have failed my mother, because earning her praise is something that I could not bear to live with.
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