Diary Entry, Fourth of November

I feel a blackness overcoming me. Last night my cousin Sindala showed me how foolish she really is. Her mocking tone, her lack of understanding about magic and who and what I am have shown me that I am truly abandoned by most of my family. They do not understand me, or even wish to understand me. So be it. Let them go on in their ignorance, let them tremble with fear at what I might do. I care not to explain to them my goals or dreams any longer, for they would simply throw them back in my face.

Even my own allies amongst House Sunsword have battled with me verbally. I wish that Redessa Sunsword was fully recovered. She would know how to be diplomatic when speaking with me, unlike that wench Ashakiran. To be lectured by an apprentice of all things! An apprentice!

No, if those two wish to chastise me, then I shall give them full reason to do so. My power and mastery over magic is absolute, and none may challenge my right to use it as I see fit. They call me necromancer, but this is far from the truth, and if they really knew me they would understand that.

The crux of the problem is that none really know me. Once Jazari did, but we are linked no more, and he is not privy to my thoughts. I do not even know how he really felt now that I think about it. Did he judge me as these other magi do? Did he think my use of magic was inappropriate and reckless? I would ask him, but I dare not, not after our conversation the other day. I do not wish to put tension on a friendship that I have already stressed to the breaking point with my foolish feelings. I can only hope that he is not of the same mind as them.

I am done listening to their counsel and their complaints. I will practice magic within my own Spire as I see fit. I have many new projects that I can look into, and many things to study. One day Sindala and everyone else will rue the fact that they spurned my assistance and my knowledge. I will begin by looking over my notes about the Kirin Tor objects I had become aware of during my spying on that group. There may be others that are safer than the Spellbook of Helcular that I can use to secure more power and protect my people.

First though...I think I will go and visit the device that Jazari and I made. I want to remember it, to feel it again...what it was like to have someone so close to me. I think that sitting beside it, the hollowness I feel inside might be filled for a time. I will never again speak of this with Jazari, but the loss of our link is profound to me, and sends me to a dark place in my heart.