Diary Entry, Twenty-Fourth of September

It has been a day or two since I've stopped to write. Much has happened, especially last evening. I spoke long with Alithria as well as Braeann Suncrown. I know now that Aeranor never loved me, he never truly cared for me as more than a friend. Perhaps I was foolish to delude myself into thinking he did. Maybe I just longed for something that a person with my life cannot afford to have. Perhaps Aeranor wanted nothing more than physical pleasure and the ability to remain free, not that he received such from me. I do not know, all I know is that I have spent much of the night crying alone in my bedchembers, and yet, I feel relieved this morning, as if a weight had been lifted from me. Perhaps I needed to simply sort all of this out on my own.

I suspect that Lord Runesong thinks I mean to slay him now. As I told my spymaster, matters of the heart are not sufficient reason to kill someone, no matter how angry they might make you. Despite the rumors, I do not actually eat children or bathe in blood to retain my beauty. I have some understanding of compassion, and now I simply pity Aeranor, for he has forsaken love in all of its forms, with all of his potential beloved Sin'dorei. He will remain as alone as I am, but it is his own doing. Or perhaps not, perhaps Rianna will succeed in the task I have set her. Then Lord Runesong would no longer suffer, and also no longer pose a threat to my place within the city.

Ah Rianna. I have thought long and hard about her over the past several days. She appears to be loyal, despite my treatment of her and despite the fact that she is owned by Lady Suncrown. I do not know what I have done to earn her loyalty...precious little I would think. Since she IS loyal, I feel that I owe it to her to try and aid her by providing her with a cure for her condition. This course is extremely dangerous and I do not know if it would succeed. I have several ideas on how to remove the taint from her flesh, and I plan to attempt one soon.

*The next two pages of the journal are filled with mathematical and magical calculations, descriptions of various storage orbs to contain the power, flow-diagrams, and a description of Biara's own natural magical absorption technique. It appears that she intends to siphon tainted scourge magic from Rianna into a collateral object to help save the girl. Anyone reviewing the formulas can immediately see the dangers that would exist to someone attempting to cast such a spell.*

I wonder what Jazari would think of this? Best not to tell him, he worries too much about me. It is odd to think that he would worry about me at all. I don't know what to make of him truth be told. Every day he has shown me kindness, and it is almost to the point now where I would not want to sever our link, because I enjoy conversing with him. Is this wrong? I'm not sure. I do know that Archmage Vomher and Braeann Suncrown both know of this link and that is a dangerous thing indeed. They would not understand that it happened by accident, and they CERTAINLY wouldn't understand the comfort that speaking with Mechavolt sometimes gives me. I will not speak of it with them, and will be careful to use the link only sparingly in their presence so that they do not detect it.  If it becomes an issue, I will take steps to protect Jazari from any backlash. This spell is, after all, my own stupid error.

I go now to meditate. It has been several days and the hunger grows within me. Meditation will help ease it I think.