I first should mention
that I am not going to even bother trying to shield these diary entries
from Jazari Mechavolt any longer. He already knows my thoughts on these
matters anyway, and I waste valuable energy trying to battle with him
when it serves no purpose. My private thoughts are most likely
uninteresting to him anyway, and I doubt he reviews everything I think
about.
After discovering yet another traitor, I sometimes wonder if I myself am a traitor simply for having this link with Mechavolt. I am a warmistress of the Horde. I am a claw of Highlord Baleyg. I am his foe, and yet he can see much of what I think about. I have discovered a solution for this, one which I think will work most effectively. His mind was quite injured by our encounter yesterday, and therefore all of my thoughts about military matters will be shielded behind the visions of the necklace, behind Eversong Forest all those years ago. He will not dare look for them there lest he lose his will again, and therefore this link will not make me a traitor to my own people. I will continue to be a warmistress, and he will simply have to accept that.
I wonder now what he thinks of me, this Jazari? I saved his life yesterday, without a doubt. He would have dreamed endlessly of our forests, his mind lost there until his body died from lack of care, and yet I went to him and pulled him free. I brought him back to himself, and ensured that he was whole. Why did I do this? The answer is simple. He deserves better than that. His intellect should not be taken from him before his life. He may die in battle, he may die in an experiment, but I will not allow a mind so brilliant to be destroyed, to be dragged away to useless nothing. He is a better person than that.
He is a better person indeed, for he comforted me last evening, even after all we have done to one another, he still encouraged me. It is because of HIS words, his and Hauk Fenshire's, that I can find my heart open to forgive my sister. I know not why he would do such a thing, except that maybe he sees the sameness that we share, the common bonds of magic. Perhaps he too wishes that I would not come to an inglorious end, but that I might die with magic in my hands and in my soul, as I was meant to do, as my mother Selun'athiel did. I will think about this for a long time to come.
The cause of my sorrow, the root of my problems, has not been my sister, but Aeranor Runesong. I know now that he has betrayed me. I know now that he has betrayed the Horde and every ideal we've ever stood for. I could see it in Jazari's mind, I could see him there, clear as day, meeting with my foes. I will tell him nothing of this. I will pretend, and lie in wait like a snake in the grass. He will think me pleasant, he will think that I have forgiven him, but all the while I will plot his downfall. His power must be curbed forevermore. His influence in Silvermoon City must be shattered. His House must fall. I have already taken the first steps, though it pains me to harm my former love. I will not kill him though, I will provide him with happiness in obscurity. He will live out his life in joy, but it will not be a life of power. Only the strong can survive within our culture, and he will be taken to task for his weaknesses.
I have not meditated in several days. I am concerned about what Jazari would think of the practice should he see me doing it. I think now though that I have little choice. In order to get my emotions in balance, in order to stop my hunger, I must go meditate. Hopefully he does not suspect what this might mean. I have already been embarressed enough when it comes to that gnome. And yet...he mocks me not.
As I stated, I have much to think on.
After discovering yet another traitor, I sometimes wonder if I myself am a traitor simply for having this link with Mechavolt. I am a warmistress of the Horde. I am a claw of Highlord Baleyg. I am his foe, and yet he can see much of what I think about. I have discovered a solution for this, one which I think will work most effectively. His mind was quite injured by our encounter yesterday, and therefore all of my thoughts about military matters will be shielded behind the visions of the necklace, behind Eversong Forest all those years ago. He will not dare look for them there lest he lose his will again, and therefore this link will not make me a traitor to my own people. I will continue to be a warmistress, and he will simply have to accept that.
I wonder now what he thinks of me, this Jazari? I saved his life yesterday, without a doubt. He would have dreamed endlessly of our forests, his mind lost there until his body died from lack of care, and yet I went to him and pulled him free. I brought him back to himself, and ensured that he was whole. Why did I do this? The answer is simple. He deserves better than that. His intellect should not be taken from him before his life. He may die in battle, he may die in an experiment, but I will not allow a mind so brilliant to be destroyed, to be dragged away to useless nothing. He is a better person than that.
He is a better person indeed, for he comforted me last evening, even after all we have done to one another, he still encouraged me. It is because of HIS words, his and Hauk Fenshire's, that I can find my heart open to forgive my sister. I know not why he would do such a thing, except that maybe he sees the sameness that we share, the common bonds of magic. Perhaps he too wishes that I would not come to an inglorious end, but that I might die with magic in my hands and in my soul, as I was meant to do, as my mother Selun'athiel did. I will think about this for a long time to come.
The cause of my sorrow, the root of my problems, has not been my sister, but Aeranor Runesong. I know now that he has betrayed me. I know now that he has betrayed the Horde and every ideal we've ever stood for. I could see it in Jazari's mind, I could see him there, clear as day, meeting with my foes. I will tell him nothing of this. I will pretend, and lie in wait like a snake in the grass. He will think me pleasant, he will think that I have forgiven him, but all the while I will plot his downfall. His power must be curbed forevermore. His influence in Silvermoon City must be shattered. His House must fall. I have already taken the first steps, though it pains me to harm my former love. I will not kill him though, I will provide him with happiness in obscurity. He will live out his life in joy, but it will not be a life of power. Only the strong can survive within our culture, and he will be taken to task for his weaknesses.
I have not meditated in several days. I am concerned about what Jazari would think of the practice should he see me doing it. I think now though that I have little choice. In order to get my emotions in balance, in order to stop my hunger, I must go meditate. Hopefully he does not suspect what this might mean. I have already been embarressed enough when it comes to that gnome. And yet...he mocks me not.
As I stated, I have much to think on.
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