The wind was bitterly
cold. It swirled over the surface of the tightly packed snow, blowing a
few errant flakes in miniature cyclones as it sped across the rocky
outcroppings all around the snow-covered trail. Malandrae shivered,
pulling her thick fur-lined hood close around her head, trying to keep
the biting cold out of her garments. Although she was dressed in THE
latest and most fashionable clothing for mountain climbing, nothing
could fully keep out the chill of the high mountains.
The Highborne paused for a moment, resting against a snow-covered boulder as she paused to look out over the panoramic scene before her. She'd been climbing the rocky trail for half the morning, and layed out below here were endless snow-filled valleys plunging down into an ice covered lake far below, the sunlight glinting from all the white and creating beautiful displays in the ice. The view alone had been worth the trip, and Malandrae had to pause for a long while just to gaze at the scene, her breath creating little clouds of steam in the air before her.
After a time she finally was able to tear her watering eyes away from the sun-soaked beauty of the snowy mountain and return her gaze to the trail ahead. Just a short distance up to the peak of the mountain and then she'd be done; the mountain trail defeated at last. She shook her head and smiled; if someone had told her a week before she ended up in her stasis spell that she'd wind up climbing a snowy mountain on a trail fit only for mountain goats, she'd have laughed at them like they were insane. The physical exertion was almost more than she could handle, and the sheer isolation of the place brought even her innermost thoughts to silence as she pondered the sheer enormity of the mountain upon which she stood.
She could have flown to the top of the peak of course. She could have used magic to teleport herself up to the top, but that would have defeated the purpose of what she was trying to accomplish. The goal was not the destination, but the journey there. She was not there to reach an end point as much as she was to discover something along the way. At least that's what the locals had told her when she inquired with them about the lonely trail leading up into the heart of the mountain range. Located far above the area known as Howling Fjord, the mountain was supposed to hold a shrine that would allow one to cleanse one's innermost turmoil and bring peace and purity to ones soul; exactly what she was searching for.
She smiled, pushing herself up off the boulder and continuing the climb. She'd been through the greatest disaster the world had ever seen and survived. A few more feet on a rocky, snow-covered trail wouldn't stop her now. Her chunky heels crunched into the snow as she forced her way onward, her inner fires driving her on the last final feet to reach the clearing at the very top of the mountain. As she reached it, she paused and took in a deep breath, feeling the triumph within herself for having conquered the natural obstacle.
It was then that she lowered her gaze and took in the shrine.
Made of what appeared to be a solid slab of stone, the object glimmered with a faint magical aura about it. Malandrae could feel it, and quickly noted that the stone had no snow on it, despite the fact that it likely stormed here regularly and the slab should have been buried long ago. She cautiously stepped towards it, feeling it's magic more and more clearly as she drew near. This was what she had been told she'd find, and the journey to get here had been part of what was needed to find true inner peace. She had to cleanse herself if she was going to do what needed to be done; if she was going to put the object that she had acquired on her Quest to good use.
After only a moment's hesitation, she reached out and placed her hand on the slab.
There was no eye-opening effect, no explosion, no sound. Instead, there was the faintest of soft sighs in the air, and suddenly Malandrae knew she wasn't alone. She turned, her gaze falling upon a person who was standing next to her, a person who was as familiar to her as anyone in all the world could be. She was looking at herself.
The not-Malandrae smirked, stepping closer and circling around the Highborne, looking her over critically, as if weighing and measuring her and finding her lacking. After a time, it spoke with Malandrae's own voice, it's tone sneering and condescending, "So you wish to be rid of me, do you? You think you can come here and simply cleanse yourself, purify yourself with magic to make up for everything that you have failed at?"
Malandrae blinked, looking at the apparition in surprised, "I-I...b-but I need to find a way to c-cleanse my spirit for the magic to w-work properly..."
As Malandrae's voice trailed off, the not-Malandrae laughed, it's lilting voice mocking as it looked at her with contempt. "You honestly think you're good enough to do what you plan? Do you really believe that anyone would want ANY of your magic? Look at you, you're pathetic. Your soul is tainted and stained with the blood of everyone you've failed. You can never wash away what you are, the disgusting thing that you allowed yourself to become. You can never be pure."
Malandrae's gaze lowered under the barrage, unable to look the apparition in the eyes. "B-but I have to...i-it's so important. I k-know I've made mistakes. I can do b-better. I can make amends."
Again mocking laughter cut through Malandrae's words as the thing the shrine had summoned from her innermost self derided her. "Make amends? How do you make amends to the dead? To those who were tortured and killed by demons? You did that. You are responsible for their deaths. You failed in so many ways, because that is all you are good for. That is all you will ever be good for. You can't rid yourself of me, because I am a part of you. Without me, you will never get anywhere. Without my voice to hold you back, you will make mistakes time and again, repeating what you did in the past and remaining the monster you are. Because that is what you are, a monster. A disgusting thing. That's why your friends talk about you behind your back. That is why people hesitate to associate with you. Because everyone can see what you are except you."
Malandrae trembled under the barrage of words, tears running down her cheeks and freezing in the bitter cold. Her head bowed, she could only accept the words as they were hurled at her by her own inner turmoil, knowing that they contained a hint of truth in them. Her thoughts stormed in her mind.
Maybe it's true. Maybe my hopes are foolish. Why would anyone want my magic, even if it could be used to help them? What good am I to anyone, after what I've seen and done? Why do they even tolerate my presence. And yet...they do. They all see something that I don't. They believe in me, and I need to believe in myself if I'm going to help them, if I'm going to use the precious gifts they've given me and return them. They love me and treasure me for me, not for what I've done, but for what I CAN do. What I CAN become.
In the recesses of her mind, Malandrae heard Varenna's voice echoing to her, whispering softly. "Of course you should accept your mistakes, but at the same time I would expect a Rose to know when she should defend herself. To stand up for herself and what she believes in."
The apparition laughed again, circling Malandrae, gleefully enjoying the torment it was inflicting. "So then, shall we return from this summit Highborne? You've wasted enough of our time. You can never be rid of me, because you need me."
Malandrae's voice rang out clear and strong. "No."
The apparition stopped moving, it's gaze resting on Malandrae's face as the Highborne tilted her head up and met its stare. Silver flared in Malandrae's eyes as she looked directly at her own innermost fears and laments. The apparition tilted it's head, questioning the other, "W-what did you just say to me?"
Malandrae's gaze held steady as she replied, power building in the air around her. "I said no. I don't need you to support me. I don't need you to tell me that I've made mistakes. Of course I have, everyone does. Mine were tragic, but they are in the past now, and I can learn from them. I don't need you to tell me that I'm worthless when everyone around me tells me that I'm not, when they support me with love and friendship. You are not me, you are nothing but my fears; fears that I should have let go of long ago."
The apparition trembled with rage, it's voice screaming out as it stormed towards Malandrae, "You DARE talk to me like this? You are nothing! NOTHING! Without me you will make the same mistakes again! Without me you will become a murderer over and over, because you are too stupid to understand what you've done. Because you are too pathetic to come to terms with it!"
Malandrae gave the apparition a bitter smile, shaking her head. "No. I will never make those mistakes again, because now I know the most important thing of all, the one thing I should have learned in all my long years, that I didn't realize until this moment. That lesson is that when I follow my heart, I WILL do the right thing. It is something that I could not have discovered without the love and support of all of the wonderful people that have touched my life since I've awakened here. I am not what you say I am, I am so much more now, and I banish you. You are not me, you will never be me again."
The apparition screamed, bringing it's hands up and hurling bolts of arcane magic directly into Malandrae's face. The Highborne merely smiled, stepping forward as the spells faded away to nothing around her. "You cannot hurt me now. You aren't real, and you never were. You're just my fears. While fear is important, sometimes you have to go past it and forge ahead. I leave you behind now. I know what I must do, and I know that my spirit is pure enough to do it. I will use the device, without fear. I know that even if it destroys me I'm doing the right thing. My heart tells me so."
With that Malandrae reached out, her hand flaring with arcane energy. Instantly the apparition was consumed by it, not a whisper escaping it as it shimmered away to nothing. The Highborne paused, taking another deep breath of the pure and bitterly cold mountain air, her heart feeling light.
She turned, looking out over the edge of the cliff, staring down into the valleys below with a smile on her face, her spirit soaring.
"I can do this. I will not fail you Chelody, I swear it. No matter what."
The Highborne paused for a moment, resting against a snow-covered boulder as she paused to look out over the panoramic scene before her. She'd been climbing the rocky trail for half the morning, and layed out below here were endless snow-filled valleys plunging down into an ice covered lake far below, the sunlight glinting from all the white and creating beautiful displays in the ice. The view alone had been worth the trip, and Malandrae had to pause for a long while just to gaze at the scene, her breath creating little clouds of steam in the air before her.
After a time she finally was able to tear her watering eyes away from the sun-soaked beauty of the snowy mountain and return her gaze to the trail ahead. Just a short distance up to the peak of the mountain and then she'd be done; the mountain trail defeated at last. She shook her head and smiled; if someone had told her a week before she ended up in her stasis spell that she'd wind up climbing a snowy mountain on a trail fit only for mountain goats, she'd have laughed at them like they were insane. The physical exertion was almost more than she could handle, and the sheer isolation of the place brought even her innermost thoughts to silence as she pondered the sheer enormity of the mountain upon which she stood.
She could have flown to the top of the peak of course. She could have used magic to teleport herself up to the top, but that would have defeated the purpose of what she was trying to accomplish. The goal was not the destination, but the journey there. She was not there to reach an end point as much as she was to discover something along the way. At least that's what the locals had told her when she inquired with them about the lonely trail leading up into the heart of the mountain range. Located far above the area known as Howling Fjord, the mountain was supposed to hold a shrine that would allow one to cleanse one's innermost turmoil and bring peace and purity to ones soul; exactly what she was searching for.
She smiled, pushing herself up off the boulder and continuing the climb. She'd been through the greatest disaster the world had ever seen and survived. A few more feet on a rocky, snow-covered trail wouldn't stop her now. Her chunky heels crunched into the snow as she forced her way onward, her inner fires driving her on the last final feet to reach the clearing at the very top of the mountain. As she reached it, she paused and took in a deep breath, feeling the triumph within herself for having conquered the natural obstacle.
It was then that she lowered her gaze and took in the shrine.
Made of what appeared to be a solid slab of stone, the object glimmered with a faint magical aura about it. Malandrae could feel it, and quickly noted that the stone had no snow on it, despite the fact that it likely stormed here regularly and the slab should have been buried long ago. She cautiously stepped towards it, feeling it's magic more and more clearly as she drew near. This was what she had been told she'd find, and the journey to get here had been part of what was needed to find true inner peace. She had to cleanse herself if she was going to do what needed to be done; if she was going to put the object that she had acquired on her Quest to good use.
After only a moment's hesitation, she reached out and placed her hand on the slab.
There was no eye-opening effect, no explosion, no sound. Instead, there was the faintest of soft sighs in the air, and suddenly Malandrae knew she wasn't alone. She turned, her gaze falling upon a person who was standing next to her, a person who was as familiar to her as anyone in all the world could be. She was looking at herself.
The not-Malandrae smirked, stepping closer and circling around the Highborne, looking her over critically, as if weighing and measuring her and finding her lacking. After a time, it spoke with Malandrae's own voice, it's tone sneering and condescending, "So you wish to be rid of me, do you? You think you can come here and simply cleanse yourself, purify yourself with magic to make up for everything that you have failed at?"
Malandrae blinked, looking at the apparition in surprised, "I-I...b-but I need to find a way to c-cleanse my spirit for the magic to w-work properly..."
As Malandrae's voice trailed off, the not-Malandrae laughed, it's lilting voice mocking as it looked at her with contempt. "You honestly think you're good enough to do what you plan? Do you really believe that anyone would want ANY of your magic? Look at you, you're pathetic. Your soul is tainted and stained with the blood of everyone you've failed. You can never wash away what you are, the disgusting thing that you allowed yourself to become. You can never be pure."
Malandrae's gaze lowered under the barrage, unable to look the apparition in the eyes. "B-but I have to...i-it's so important. I k-know I've made mistakes. I can do b-better. I can make amends."
Again mocking laughter cut through Malandrae's words as the thing the shrine had summoned from her innermost self derided her. "Make amends? How do you make amends to the dead? To those who were tortured and killed by demons? You did that. You are responsible for their deaths. You failed in so many ways, because that is all you are good for. That is all you will ever be good for. You can't rid yourself of me, because I am a part of you. Without me, you will never get anywhere. Without my voice to hold you back, you will make mistakes time and again, repeating what you did in the past and remaining the monster you are. Because that is what you are, a monster. A disgusting thing. That's why your friends talk about you behind your back. That is why people hesitate to associate with you. Because everyone can see what you are except you."
Malandrae trembled under the barrage of words, tears running down her cheeks and freezing in the bitter cold. Her head bowed, she could only accept the words as they were hurled at her by her own inner turmoil, knowing that they contained a hint of truth in them. Her thoughts stormed in her mind.
Maybe it's true. Maybe my hopes are foolish. Why would anyone want my magic, even if it could be used to help them? What good am I to anyone, after what I've seen and done? Why do they even tolerate my presence. And yet...they do. They all see something that I don't. They believe in me, and I need to believe in myself if I'm going to help them, if I'm going to use the precious gifts they've given me and return them. They love me and treasure me for me, not for what I've done, but for what I CAN do. What I CAN become.
In the recesses of her mind, Malandrae heard Varenna's voice echoing to her, whispering softly. "Of course you should accept your mistakes, but at the same time I would expect a Rose to know when she should defend herself. To stand up for herself and what she believes in."
The apparition laughed again, circling Malandrae, gleefully enjoying the torment it was inflicting. "So then, shall we return from this summit Highborne? You've wasted enough of our time. You can never be rid of me, because you need me."
Malandrae's voice rang out clear and strong. "No."
The apparition stopped moving, it's gaze resting on Malandrae's face as the Highborne tilted her head up and met its stare. Silver flared in Malandrae's eyes as she looked directly at her own innermost fears and laments. The apparition tilted it's head, questioning the other, "W-what did you just say to me?"
Malandrae's gaze held steady as she replied, power building in the air around her. "I said no. I don't need you to support me. I don't need you to tell me that I've made mistakes. Of course I have, everyone does. Mine were tragic, but they are in the past now, and I can learn from them. I don't need you to tell me that I'm worthless when everyone around me tells me that I'm not, when they support me with love and friendship. You are not me, you are nothing but my fears; fears that I should have let go of long ago."
The apparition trembled with rage, it's voice screaming out as it stormed towards Malandrae, "You DARE talk to me like this? You are nothing! NOTHING! Without me you will make the same mistakes again! Without me you will become a murderer over and over, because you are too stupid to understand what you've done. Because you are too pathetic to come to terms with it!"
Malandrae gave the apparition a bitter smile, shaking her head. "No. I will never make those mistakes again, because now I know the most important thing of all, the one thing I should have learned in all my long years, that I didn't realize until this moment. That lesson is that when I follow my heart, I WILL do the right thing. It is something that I could not have discovered without the love and support of all of the wonderful people that have touched my life since I've awakened here. I am not what you say I am, I am so much more now, and I banish you. You are not me, you will never be me again."
The apparition screamed, bringing it's hands up and hurling bolts of arcane magic directly into Malandrae's face. The Highborne merely smiled, stepping forward as the spells faded away to nothing around her. "You cannot hurt me now. You aren't real, and you never were. You're just my fears. While fear is important, sometimes you have to go past it and forge ahead. I leave you behind now. I know what I must do, and I know that my spirit is pure enough to do it. I will use the device, without fear. I know that even if it destroys me I'm doing the right thing. My heart tells me so."
With that Malandrae reached out, her hand flaring with arcane energy. Instantly the apparition was consumed by it, not a whisper escaping it as it shimmered away to nothing. The Highborne paused, taking another deep breath of the pure and bitterly cold mountain air, her heart feeling light.
She turned, looking out over the edge of the cliff, staring down into the valleys below with a smile on her face, her spirit soaring.
"I can do this. I will not fail you Chelody, I swear it. No matter what."
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