Reflections of the Past

Biara sighed, closing the book in her lap gently, ensuring that her bookmark stayed in place as she set the novel on the nightstand beside her bed. Normally steamy romance novels like the one she was reading would keep her interest long into the night, but this evening she found her thoughts wandering and she was unable to enjoy the story or concentrate on it at all. With another resigned sigh she dimmed the magical glow orb above her and rose from the bed, walking across her bedchambers, her bare feet on the cold marble as she made her way to the far side of the room.

She stopped before the floor length mirrors there, looking at herself in the darkness. In a sheer, see-through nightgown the runes on her face and body glowed dimly in the darkened room, giving her enough light to see by as she studied herself.

The conversation with Makaelen earlier in the evening had been difficult for her. Not because she thought he would reject her, but rather because it had been a rather telling list of her failures, mistakes, and weaknesses. She figured that he would be able to accept them, but knowing that and saying them aloud were two entirely different things, and it had been more difficult for her to do than he might have realized. Sitting there within the ruined inn of Southshore, with only the memories of battle and unfortunate accident around her, she had felt all of those emotions boil back to the surface.

She reached up and gently touched the wards on her face, feeling the rough surface of her skin beneath them and the scar that would forever mark her cheek. Her hand dropped down to the spot between her breasts where a larger scar could be dully seen beneath the wards there.

So many mistakes. So many times I thought I knew the right path, and each time I've been lead astray.

She gazed critically at the image held within the mirror before turning away from it and walking out to her balcony. The autumn air was brisk, but she relished the contrast of the cold breeze as she left the confines of her room. On the balcony the stars shone down from above, and if she looked up, she could forget the world around her as if she were flying.

The idea was very appealing to her. To forget the world, the mistakes, the trouble she'd had to deal with. Most of all though she wanted to forget the disappointment that Makaelen had on his face, and the disappointment in herself that she felt. As she gazed up at the night sky she thought again about the events of the recent past and what she'd done.

When had she become such a cruel little creature? At what point along the path had she lost sight of who she was in her quest for more power or to put down a threat to Quel'Thalas? At what point did one cross the line, and go too far? Was cruelty and death justified if it prevented more deaths to her people?

She was not so sure anymore.

The look on his face had reflected what she felt in her heart. She had tortured three people now, all of them for the same purpose; to obtain information about necromancy, which in itself was a vile thing that had laid waste to her homeland and people. It had marred her body and she had failed countless times to master it, and still she persisted.

Why?

There was no answer to that question now, and that was what kept her mind busy. There was no justifiable reason for it. She had simply been cruel, as Makaelen had pointed out gently. She was becoming something she didn't want to be; her mother. She knew her father would have been disappointed in her at that moment. He had raised his Biar'athiel to be a sweet, loving person who was devoted to her people. Not some cruel mistress of darkness that maimed and destroyed everything in her path. No reason, no war could justify what she was becoming.

She looked out over the city and whispered words that would never be heard by anyone else. "I'm sorry Kaelus. I was wrong..."

She took in a deep breath and let it out in a calming exercise. The words were right, she knew it in her heart. She had done the wrong thing, and no amount of justification made it alright. Accepting that lightened her heart, for she knew she couldn't do it again, not for any war, not for any research into the dark arts. Her research itself was questionable, and she would think long and hard on what course was the right one going forward. Soul stealing weapons tended to destroy their wielders anyway, and it was never the best course of action.

Kaelus would never forgive her though she knew. No matter what her intentions, she had made another mistake, and there was no going back now. She sighed again, looking out over the city and letting the wind flow around her. Maybe one day, she could focus on simply creating with her magic, as she'd intended to do all along. Maybe one day she wouldn't be kept up at night worrying over enemies in the darkness and she and her people could live in peace.

Maybe one day.